There are moments when you read something, and feel as though it speaks to a truth or experience you've always felt but never been able to express, reading this piece is one of those moments for me. Thank you for writing this.
i was just thinking again today that i need a bible study book for people who hate themselves. i've googled "bible verses for self hatred" and other answers, but i've found that the frankly generic answers given by people like john piper are insufficient. i've thought as much even as a child. Your specificity provides a much greater consolation to me.
And in terms of a Gospel for the Self Hating, the stories of Sarah, Leah, and Cain, as interpreted by Tim Keller, have been a great resource. I admit, it doesn't seem like the source of their self loathing and insecurity was extroversion and rejection sensitivity per se, but in Sarah's case, her failure as a woman to conceive, in Leah's case being unloved and unwanted, and in Cain's case a need to "earn" his salvation through good works. I really enjoyed the specificity and contextualization of these stories, and in each of them God reaches out to them directly, in a way that they can understand, to show them love. And God talks to each of them differently, which feels pretty representative of what we're supposed to get.
I grew up religious in a way that wasn’t quite as intense as what you’ve described but which was still a standard deviation removed from “normal,” and I feel this. I’m currently dating someone whose default mode is fundamental comfort in his own skin, and as corny as it sounds, contrasting how I see myself vs. how he sees me has been… enlightening. I’m not sure that I have much more or better to say, other than that the right relationships (not necessarily romantic) can be a really, really wonderful corrective.
This piece really spoke to me. I've always had a lot of self-doubt and self-hatred about my life and who I am. Unfortunately, unlike you, my memory reaches deep into my past as opposed to a couple of years. I can remember failings from when I was a small child. I also don't have belief in god, which I wish I did. It leaves me living in a deep pool of self-doubt where my feet cannot touch the bottom as I try to swim my way to safety.
I mindlessly write “I hate myself” daily then curse myself for thinking it, then mourn for the little girl who didn’t want to grow up to be hated. It’s nice to know she isn’t alone though. <3
To hate yourself for your shortcomings is to believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was insufficient to cover your sins, even as you know they covered Peter’s denials of Christ. You’re an extraordinary woman, and it’s endlessly intriguing to watch you defend the faith even as it confounds you.
To hate yourself for your shortcomings is to believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was insufficient to cover your sins, even as you know they covered Peter’s denials of Christ.
I consider myself an anxious extrovert. I would think a similar kind of thought and say “I hate myself” maybe 10 times a day. I developed an autoimmune disorder from the anxiety. I broke out in hives every single day for years. Sometimes I cry thinking about how much I suffered and for how long. My mind tortured me. I felt seen and understood in your writing, and “thank you” isn’t quite enough for what I feel but it’s all I have for now.
There are moments when you read something, and feel as though it speaks to a truth or experience you've always felt but never been able to express, reading this piece is one of those moments for me. Thank you for writing this.
i was just thinking again today that i need a bible study book for people who hate themselves. i've googled "bible verses for self hatred" and other answers, but i've found that the frankly generic answers given by people like john piper are insufficient. i've thought as much even as a child. Your specificity provides a much greater consolation to me.
I quite relate, and i'll share my thoughts here too--on finding a "logical" explanation out of negative self talk (https://janesingasong.substack.com/p/the-logic-out-of-negative-self-talk), and on a slightly related note that you might find interesting, the way that Christians decry idol worship without considering that sometimes, idols quite literally force your hand (https://janesingasong.substack.com/p/idol-worship).
And in terms of a Gospel for the Self Hating, the stories of Sarah, Leah, and Cain, as interpreted by Tim Keller, have been a great resource. I admit, it doesn't seem like the source of their self loathing and insecurity was extroversion and rejection sensitivity per se, but in Sarah's case, her failure as a woman to conceive, in Leah's case being unloved and unwanted, and in Cain's case a need to "earn" his salvation through good works. I really enjoyed the specificity and contextualization of these stories, and in each of them God reaches out to them directly, in a way that they can understand, to show them love. And God talks to each of them differently, which feels pretty representative of what we're supposed to get.
https://gospelinlife.com/sermon/sarah-and-the-laugh/
https://gospelinlife.com/sermon/the-girl-nobody-wanted/
https://gospelinlife.com/sermon/east-of-eden-sin-and-grace/
this is so helpful thank you so much ❤️❤️
I grew up religious in a way that wasn’t quite as intense as what you’ve described but which was still a standard deviation removed from “normal,” and I feel this. I’m currently dating someone whose default mode is fundamental comfort in his own skin, and as corny as it sounds, contrasting how I see myself vs. how he sees me has been… enlightening. I’m not sure that I have much more or better to say, other than that the right relationships (not necessarily romantic) can be a really, really wonderful corrective.
This piece really spoke to me. I've always had a lot of self-doubt and self-hatred about my life and who I am. Unfortunately, unlike you, my memory reaches deep into my past as opposed to a couple of years. I can remember failings from when I was a small child. I also don't have belief in god, which I wish I did. It leaves me living in a deep pool of self-doubt where my feet cannot touch the bottom as I try to swim my way to safety.
I mindlessly write “I hate myself” daily then curse myself for thinking it, then mourn for the little girl who didn’t want to grow up to be hated. It’s nice to know she isn’t alone though. <3
Reassuring to know everyone feels this way sometimes, as an introvert <3
Prayers up! 🙏
Thank you for this.
I'm about to lose a day of writing, reading everything you've written.
To hate yourself for your shortcomings is to believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was insufficient to cover your sins, even as you know they covered Peter’s denials of Christ. You’re an extraordinary woman, and it’s endlessly intriguing to watch you defend the faith even as it confounds you.
I find this relatable.
When I was a little boy I used to love toys I wanted it to be so good
I appreciate the vulnerability here, Audrey, to write about your strengths and supposed weaknesses.
To hate yourself for your shortcomings is to believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was insufficient to cover your sins, even as you know they covered Peter’s denials of Christ.
Aww don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re so kind and funny and sweet
I consider myself an anxious extrovert. I would think a similar kind of thought and say “I hate myself” maybe 10 times a day. I developed an autoimmune disorder from the anxiety. I broke out in hives every single day for years. Sometimes I cry thinking about how much I suffered and for how long. My mind tortured me. I felt seen and understood in your writing, and “thank you” isn’t quite enough for what I feel but it’s all I have for now.